Thursday, August 19, 2010

Chaos

Welcome to my full on freak out mode. Owen asked me this morning where his nanny and her son were. Okay they haven't been here for a few weeks and not everyday since summer started. He decided that summer is over and I needed to go to work and that she should be here. I love her and am so so so so so so sad that our move is forcing us to put the kids in daycare - ack daycare I am putting my kids in daycare.

I have nothing really against daycare as a whole it is extremely necessary for a majority of the people I know. My kids have never been to daycare - they had in home care and then our absolutely fabulous nanny that was in our budget (I remind you I am a teacher and we do not bring home 3 figures).

So here is my minor issue with putting them into daycare. My boys love each other, they are best friends, they are only 21 months apart. By putting them into daycare I am not only separating them from us but also from each other. I don't think they have been apart for more than an hour or two in the 18 months since we brought Logan home.

Maybe it will only be for a year - once we move and are not an hour away from everything then maybe I can find an in home nanny again. but today i cry because my son misses his nanny and her son and because I am still not sure that I made the right decision. If I hadn't decided to take this job she would be here right now playing trains with him.

I should mention that I have known our nanny since she was 7 and I was 9 - we grew up together, lost contact after HS and eventually moved to the same area. She has been a wonderful second mother to our sons.

maybe i just need school to start so that i can occupy my mind and not think about all of it

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